Slaggin' Fraggin' Scrap Pile of Scrap
by Sergeant Duck
Summary: Pretty much what the title implies. It's a scrap pile o' mini stories. Rated M because I am shameless at times. Also be advised that I may or may not have been sober when I wrote these. O o


**Random crap thats been sitting in a folder that hasn't made it into a full story of it's own. Though the one with "multiple Prowl syndrome" still has potential.**

**(Wheeljack x Ratchet)**

"What's he doing?" Wheeljack whispered.

"He's using a human form of physical expression called kissing" Ratchet whispered back.

Wheeljack blinked and looked the term up on the internet. "Huh. Interesting concept. I wonder how that feels to a cybertronian?"

"No idea. Wanna try it?"

**___________________________________________________________________**

**(Wheeljack x ?????)**

"I always manage to find you in here. I'm beginning to think you're the real CMO and Ratchet is just a sidekick."

Wheeljack grinned behind his mask and raised his optics to follow the newcomer as they stepped into the office. "And what does that make you then I wonder? The apprentice?"

"Don't know a damned thing about medicine but I'd be willing to work a few late shifts under your supervision."

Wheeljack sat up straight and shivered as fingers brushed one of his stubby wings. "W-well that was a hell of an innuendo if I've ever heard one."

"Please, like your little apprentice comment wasn't loaded?"

"Guilty as charged" Wheeljack chuckled. "So to what do I owe the visit this time?"

"There's gotta be a reason? I can't just visit?"

"With you, there's always a reason." Wheeljack grinned and leaned back into the chair as he was straddled. "One of these days we're gonna break this poor chair."

"We have a lot of good memories attached to this chair. It will be missed."

"I might be the one being missed when Ratchet gets hold of me for breakin' his chair."

"Well if you are that concerned about breaking the chair I guess I could get off your lap and find something else to do to occupy my…"

"No! No, no. You just…keep doin' what you're doin'." Wheeljack retracted his mask and slid his hands up and over the smooth metal legs pressing against his own. "We'll just mourn the chair later" he whispered.

**___________________________________________________________________**

**(Jazz)**

Jazz idly spun around in his chair bored beyond comprehension. He knew he'd have to take on some desk jockey work when he climbed the officer's ranks, but this was ridiculous. He was special ops for Primus' sake! His natural habitat was getting down and dirty amongst the bad guys practicing the fine art of sabotage. Ok so technically Ratchet had every right to be concerned and had good reason to keep him on light duty. It's not every day the CMO successfully brought someone back from permanent deactivation. He stopped the chair in mid spin and waited for his processors to figure out that the room was not still spinning. When asked what it was like to be dead Jazz had simply shrugged his shoulders and said, "dunno, I'm not dead." Being torn in half and then having the parts of his frame thrown from a skyscraper were memories he could function without thank you very much. He nearly jumped out of his chair when a large hand settled on his shoulder.

"Are you ok Jazz? I called your designation several times."

Jazz lifted his visor with a finger and put on his trademark smile. "All good here. What can I do for ya 'Breaker?"

Trailbreaker frowned slightly at Jazz's obvious attempt to sound cheery. "Your shift is up. I'm here to relieve you."

Jazz let his visor slide back into place and hopped up from the chair. "Rock on; command center's all yours big guy." He gave a quick wave over his shoulder and quickly walked out of the room before any more questions could be asked. He sighed heavily through his intakes when the door slid shut behind him. The Defensive Strategist may have given him a good scare but he couldn't have asked for a more timely interruption. His thoughts had been steering towards something he dreaded even more than his first and only one on one with Megatron. "Frag, you're gonna think 'bout it anyways aren't you?" he growled at himself. He made a small pathetic whine at the ceiling and started down the dim hallway. He shifted into his alt mode just before reaching the base entrance and sped off. He didn't know where he was going, just so long as it was away from the base. It had creeped him out to no end when he onlined to find their new base was the old Sector Seven base at Hoover Dam. Bumblebee practically needed a direct order from Prime to even enter the facility.

Jazz sat low on the road as he picked up speed and reveled at the feel of the wind passing over his frame. He had lucked out in finding this particular vehicle for an alt mode when he landed. The Pontiac Solstice provided everything he'd ever want; speed, agility, and more importantly it was just the right kind of sexy.

________________________________________________________________________

**(Wheeljack vs Boredom)**

Wheeljack peeked around the corner and smiled behind his mask. He checked his internal chronometer and felt his excitement rising as the time ticked down. _Any minute now_.

"Wheeljack?"

Wheeljack jumped and nearly fell backwards in shock. He glanced back and met the questioning optics of the Autobot's Second in Command. "Uh, hiya Prowl."

"Good afternoon. May I ask why you are sitting on the floor?"

"Um…no reason. Just takin' a breather."

Prowl raised an optic ridge unconvinced. "I would think one would need the requirement to breathe first before taking a breather." He peered around the corner in an attempt to see what Wheeljack had been looking at. He frowned as he noted a strange object sitting in the middle of the otherwise empty hallway. He stepped back behind the cover of the corner and looked back down at the nervous engineer. "Do I want to know what that is?"

"Uhhh…no?"

Prowl's frown deepened. He started to request that the Lancia explain when the sound of footsteps in the other hallway reached his audios. Wheeljack placed a finger over his mask in what Prowl assumed was a request to remain quiet. Curious, Prowl joined the other mech in peeking around the corner and watched as Sideswipe and Sunstreaker approached the object placed in the middle of the hallway.

***

Sideswipe stopped before the large metal cylinder and eyed it suspiciously. He gave it a slight kick forcing the object to roll. "So, what do ya suppose is up with this thing Sunny?"

The yellow twin folded his arms across his chest and shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know and don't care, but I will shove it up your tailpipe if you call me Sunny again."

Sideswipe ignored his brother and blinked curiously at the cylinder as it rolled to a stop exposing a square cut out on top that he hadn't noticed before. He leaned over the cut out and caught a glimpse of something shining within. "There's something inside it." Without waiting for an acknowledgement from the other Lamborghini, Sideswipe reached inside the cut out. His fingers grasped the unknown shiny object and attempted to pull his hand back out only to find that his arm was now stuck. He frowned and placed a foot on the cylinder for leverage and tried to yank his arm out of the cut out. "Hey! My arm's stuck!"

Sunstreaker rolled his optics and walked over to get a closer look. "Smooth move frag for processors." He grabbed the trapped arm and pulled back adding his strength to his brother's but the arm did not budge. "Wow, it's really stuck in there. That sucks."

"You think?!" Sideswipe snapped starting to feel slightly panicked.

"There's something carved on the edge of the hole." Sunstreaker leaned in closer then jumped back.

"What? What does it say?!"

Sunstreaker looked over at his brother with as close to fear as he ever got in his optics. "Wheeljack project number four thousand and twenty six."

Sideswipe yanked his arm harder in panic. "Wheeljack?! Project?! Help me! I don't wanna blow up!"

Sunstreaker shook his head and took another step back. "No way! You got your arm stuck in there, you get it out!"

Sideswipe took a step towards his brother hefting the large cylinder encompassing his arm. "You, you can't just leave me like this!" He took another step towards the other Lamborghini seeking his help.

"Frag that! I just waxed! Get away from me you glitch!" With that Sunstreaker took off down the hallway at a dead run with Sideswipe close behind his shouts echoing off the walls.

***

Wheeljack giggled as he stood up. He laughed harder as he met Prowl's confused expression. "Discovery Channel Prowl. I got the idea from a television special about raccoon traps. It's an old trick humans used to use to catch raccoons. All Sideswipe had to do was let go of the shiny object inside the tube an his hand woulda fit back through the hole."

________________________________________________________________________

(**Prowl vs Prowl vs Prowl)**

"I cannot believe you are actually going through with this."

Hound grinned and glanced down at his partner in crime. "You're not getting cold feet are you?"

"Don't insult me" Mirage smirked. "I said I'd do it, so I'll do it. I was merely commenting on the fact that this is the sort of thing I'd expect from the twins."

"You know I love it when you pout."

"You are going to get us both in trouble. What if he glitches?"

Hound leaned down and captured Mirage's lips in a heated kiss effectively silencing the other mech's arguments. "Just work your magic and point the camera love" he whispered once he pulled away. "I'll do the rest." Without waiting for a reply Hound straightened and activated the hologram around his frame.

"Well at least you waited until after the kiss before activating that. It would have made the moment very… awkward."

Hound started to chuckle but quickly silenced himself when the sound of approaching footsteps reached his audios. He patted the now invisible shoulder next to him then walked around the corner.

Prowl walked down the hallway only half paying attention to his surroundings as he studied a datapad. He lifted his head long enough to see who the mech approaching in the other direction was and nodded politely. "Good morning."

Prowl nodded politely back as he passed Prowl. "Good morning."

Prowl continued on for another few paces then froze. He slowly lifted his head and twitched his door wings. He glanced down the hallway he'd just walked through and found it empty. Facing forward again he frowned at the equally empty area in front of him. He turned around and walked back down the hallway to the previous intersection and glanced down each direction. His door wings gave another twitch as his optic ridges scrunched together in confusion.

Prowl opened the door and stepped back outside. As the door closed behind him he caught a glimpse of Prowl further down the hallway gaping at him. He raised an optic ridge, flared his door wings in annoyance, and disappeared around a corner.

Prowl ran a self diagnostic as the second Prowl turned the corner. When everything showed green he opened a comm. line. *Trailbreaker, this is Prowl. You are currently working the officer's shift in the command center are you not?*

*Yes, did you need something?*

*What are the current locations of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker?* While waiting for a response, Prowl started off in the direction of Prowl.

*They are both on patrol in sector four alpha. Did you need me to contact them?*

*I see. What is **my** current location?*

*Are you lost?*

*My location, please.*

*Ohhhhh kaaaay, it looks like you are walking down the corridor between Wheeljack's lab and storage room six.*

*Is there anyone else showing up in this area?*

*Wheeljack's in his lab. Other than that, just you. Are you alright Prowl?*

*No.* Prowl shook his head realizing what he'd just said. *Disregard that. Thank you for your assistance Trailbreaker.* Prowl cut the comm. line as he took the turn Prowl had taken moments earlier. An empty corridor containing several doors and a dead end awaited him. He made his way to the first door and cautiously opened it. He peeked inside while trying to maintain a watch on the hallway. Finding nothing he stepped back allowing the door to slide shut. He walked up to the next door and found the same thing. He repeated the process until he was at the last door adjacent to the dead end. He opened the last door and frowned as his optics were unable to penetrate the larger room's dark interior. Activating his alt form's headlights, he stepped into the room allowing the door to automatically close behind him.

A moment later Prowl opened the last door adjacent to a dead end near Wheeljack's lab and entered the dark room.

Silence reigned in the hallways outside of Wheeljack's lab for several minutes until a door slammed open and Prowl, followed by Prowl, and last but not least Prowl burst out from a darkened room. All three met each other's widened optics in the bright hallway. Prowl suddenly raised a finger pointing at Prowl and screamed. Prowl slammed back against the wall and screamed back, while Prowl took off running down the hallway also screaming at the top of his vocalizer.

…to be continued?

*****CONFUSED? I know I am!!!*****


End file.
